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THE Ill Quill

Rejected alternative titles for the sequel to Honey I Shrunk the Kids

Honey I punked the kids.
Honey I smoked crack with the kids.
Honey I read the 3rd edition of Kieso & Waygandt's Intermediate Accounting out loud to the kids.
Honey I misunderstood the kids.
Honey I made like 1,200 origami cranes for the kids.
Honey I fed dog food to the kids.
Honey I tipped the canoe over while fishing with the kids.
(abridged version of above) - Honey I drowned the kids.
Honey I taught dead baby jokes to the kids.
Honey I pissed off the kids.
Honey I pissed on the kids.
Honey I had a bad day and blamed it on the kids.
Honey I stayed up all night watching porn with the kids.
Honey I went to a rave with the kids.
Honey I watched paint dry with the kids.
Honey I watched grass grow with the kids.
Honey I bought rattlesnakes for the kids.
Honey I watched Honey I Shrunk the Kids with the kids.
Honey I said, "Boy, your mom's sure a bitch," to the kids.
Honey I went ahead and got a sex change without telling you or the kids.
Honey I took nude pictures of the kids.
Honey I listened to that goddamn dinosaur named Barney talk about friendship all day long with the kids.
Honey I explained the difference between imminent collapse and substantial impairment to the kids.
Honey I am pretty fucking sure it's YOUR turn to play patty cake with the kids.
Honey I played Solitaire with the kids.
Honey I pole danced for the kids.
Honey I lied when I said I loved you. That said, go ahead and keep the kids.

3 Comments:

Blogger Milkshake said...

Clearly, someones been submitting lists to McSweeneys. I'm also willing to bet we both thought the same one was the funniest:

Things This One Girl Sitting Near Me in a Movie Theater Said Out Loud When One of the Characters Was Shown Pulling Into a Gas Station.

BY CONLEY WOUTERS

- - - -

"Oh, he's going to stop for gas."

This is making me consider submitting my latest post on my blog.
--M

2:23 PM  
Blogger Nick said...

Haven't submitted any yet. But yeah, you called it. The gas station comment definitely gets my vote.

8:52 PM  
Anonymous The Em Jizzle said...

Dear Mr. Ill Quill, I have submitted a couple of my own, I hope you enjoy!

Honey, I provoked the kids
Honey, I married the kids
Honey, I taught the kids to play online poker for money
Honey, I buried the kids
Honey, I built up an unhealthy obsession towards the kids
Honey, I infected the kids with West Nile, in the science, of course.
Honey, I sent the kids on an all-expenses paid vacation to the Neverland Ranch
Honey, I've been lying about having kids, those are really homeless Little-people
Honey, I let the kids go to a GOP event ( I know, thats pretty off-colour)
Honey, I explained dead-baby jokes to the kids (reprise)
Honey, I sold the kids to Phil Knight and they now work in a Chinese sweatshop
Honey, I dressed the kids up in Black-face
Honey, I defecated on the kids
Honey, I downloaded nude pictures of the kids
Honey, I invited my friends from the penn over and we took turns anally raping the kids

5:53 PM  

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